We have exciting news of a bold new public service being offered absolutely free from Transstink, the worlds worst transit company, and their rather less than manly police force.
Okay so say it's Christmas and you're suicidal like so many at that time of the year and you've decided to do away with yourself. But you're having trouble performing the feat. Your chosen method is just too slow, you're lying there bleeding on the ground but annoyingly not dying, well do we have news for you.
Transstinks transit police will kill you dead free of charge. No fees, no tax, no service charges or cost of materials, absolutely 100% free!
We've asked a spokesperson for Transstink Police to reply, take it away Constable Dick Forbranes:
"Well yep you demand it and we'll kill you free of charge. You don't even have to be anywhere near transit. We'll come to you if we have to. We prefer not to face any of the real criminals who hang around Skytrain and such as we're pretty much all cowardly yellowbellies so please try to make sure you're either with your back to us or otherwise indisposed and we'll shoot you down dead. We feel it's a very exciting day for public transit, being able to offer this service free of charge!"
Well thank you for explaining it Constable Dick. We certainly now know just what you and your fellow officers are. And where you're going.....
